Expectations vs. Reality

I think I should come forward and share the fact that I am a pisces. And if you follow the zodiac at all, then you know that pisces tend to be dreamers. We live our lives outside of ourselves and instead live in a realm of possibilities. As you can see from my previous posts, I am guilty of living in a fairy tale land on more than one occassion when it comes to my wedding. But there is another facet of wedding planning that I think most brides have to come to terms with: expectations vs. reality.


What do I mean, exactly, when I saw expectations vs. reality? For the sake of this post, I will define expectations as any dream, hope or predetermined idea of how something is supposed to be. And reality is, well- reality. The hard smack in the face bringing you back down to size.

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It is something I have struggled with a lot during the course of Mr. Yankee and I's engagement and so I feel the need to share with the future brides out there just some of the harsh realities I had to come to terms with. There are the easy ones of course- budget (and everything budget related like the cost of... everything!), fiance participation and the right dress, but here are a few that are particularly dicey:

First- while it is a momentous day to be celebrated and cherished, your wedding is a party. Plain and simple. It's a very expensive party, yes. It's a party that people will fly across the country for, but when it all comes down to it- it is a 4-10 hour event filled with people, food, drink and music. So don't get caught up in what you are giving up for your day. This was actually one of the easiest things for me to embrace. While it would be nice to have custom napkins, a chocolate fountain, sparklers for our send off and unlimited time with our vendors, it is just a party and one day does not a marraige make.

Second- yes, you may have been planning this your whole life (or for 20 months like me), but not everyone is going to want to talk about vendor meetings, do-it-yourself projects and the different shades of color for your tablescapes- shoot, a lot of people won't know what you mean when you say tablescapes. And while it may be incredibly frustrating, remember that just because someone doesn't want to talk about the wedding or give you advice it doesn't mean they care any less about the wedding. This was something that took a lot of getting used to for me. And I am still dealing with it. Because since I have not been dreaming of my wedding since I was a child, I have felt this enormous amount of pressure (self-inflicted, of course) to have the perfect venue, with the perfect menu and perfect color schemes. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. And because it had to be perfect, I needed to talk to people who cared about the "girly" side of wedding planning. And I had to ask them something about the wedding everytime we talked. It got to the point where people saw me and looked like this:

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And third- weddings aren't all candy hearts and puppy dog tails. Inevitably, someone will have their feelings hurt. But the one thing a wedding is about? You and your spouse to be. So while yes, it sucks when someone's feelings are hurt or they are upset over a decision you make, remember it is exactly that- your decision for your wedding. Normally I am a type of person who will say exactly what she is thinking, but stick a ring on my finger and call me engaged and I am a new person. I feel bad for telling people no; or guilty for not liking what someone has suggested or picked out for me.

I had a lot of expectations going into this whole engagement thing and I think that these reality checks have both brought me back down to earth and taught me valuable lessons on what is fair to expect of people. What expectations did you have when you first got engaged? Any harsh reality checks?

Where's Emily Post when you need her?!

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Mr. Yankee and I received our first wedding gift last night. While extremely exciting and giddy-ness enducing, it left us wondering what exactly we were supposed to do. Do we open the gift right away and send a thank you note?! Do we open it right away and send a thank you note after the wedding? Or do we wait until after the wedding to do both?! The only thing I was absolutely sure on was that we were not to actually use the item until after the wedding. So we paced around the large box from Macys... trying to decide whether to tear into the box or place it in our attic until after the wedding. I played like it was 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and started phoning friends. I have some friends who have had weddings recently in their family and would know exactly what to do.... ergh- or so I thought.

"Don't open it. You're supposed to wait until after the wedding and then open everything and send out your thank you cards."

"Open it, but don't use it and send a thank you card after the wedding."

"Open it and send a thank you card within two weeks of opening. But wait until after the wedding to use it."

Those were the three answers I got. Now Mr. Y and I did not want to open the box to check out the loot- we could have checked our registry to find out what we got. Our main concern was sending off a thank you (yes we got your gift) card so that the sender could sleep at night. So Mr. Y and I opted for the third option and opened the box. And ooh! How exciting.... For Mr. Yankee. He got his knife set; of course as soon as he realized it was a knife set he asked when we could use it. Boys- they only listen to a certain point.

personal photo (our first present- yay!)

But this got me thinking about all the other etiquette related things that are bound to come up over the next 8 months. How do we word the invitations? How do we address them? Who dances first- mother and son or father and daughter? Is Mr. Yankee supposed to thank certain people during his toast at the reception? In a certain order? How do we handle monetary gifts given at the wedding?

So many questions dancing around in my head- it might just explode!! How did you handle all the little pieces of etiquette that popped up over your planning? Any advice for peaceful resolutions?

I present to you.. our awesome VENUE!!!

In my last post I shared with you the journey that was our venue search. It was tumultous and draining to say the least, but I believe it paved the way for me to actually appreciate our venue even more. To realize what we found and how to truly love and enjoy it. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Inn Marin:

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Isn't that tree just beautiful? Gorgeous even. The moment I saw this tree I had all these visions of bridedom sweep over me; suddenly I could see myself and Mr. Y under the tree, exchanging vows in front of family and friends and enjoying the moment. I saw a wonderful cocktail hour by the roman inspired fountain while Mr. Buble crooned those recycled favorites. It felt like this was our venue. And the catering director? Ohmygosh! I'll be the first to admit that I don't deal very often with catering directors or venue managers for all the posh parties I have, but let me just tell you- Inn Marin has one of the best people in the business. Her name is Lora and let me say- she is 50% of the reason we booked. Not once did I feel like we were being "sold" something; or that we weren't worth her time because we were working within a budget. She took her time to give us a tour of the entire venue- rooms, suites, the grounds and the banquet hall. Needless to say I clicked with Lora immediately, but before I got too excited I had to make sure it fit within our budget. So we sat down with Lora after the tour and told her what our expected guest list was and what we were hoping to accomplish (ceremony outdoors, reception indoors, sit down plated dinner, cocktail hour and all around fabulous party) and she smiled and said that she absolutely felt like she could accomplish what we were looking for. She promised to throw together some numbers and shoot me an email by the end of the weekend. Score!

a photo of the court yard where we will be having our cocktail hour. adorable, no?

As soon as we were safely out of ear shot in the car I told Mr. Yankee that this absolutely had to be our venue and that if the price was even somewhat doable we were going to move forward. I felt so valued and understood that I thought no other place could do us justice. Mr. Y agreed saying that he thought it was a good fit and that hopefully the price was right. And oh my goodness, was the price ever right!! When Lora sent us our price quote I nearly fell out of my chair in excitement. You mean we can have a wedding, with a served dinner, drinks, linens and a day of coordinator without breaking the bank?! **SQUEE**

I immediately emailed her in response and proposed marriage.. uh, I mean asked what she needed to proceed with the date. And so after what seemed like a lifetime of venue searching, we found the best spot for us.

How did you find your venue? Did you know right away is was where you were going to get married? Or did you have to warm up to the idea?

Venue search... or how I almost got married in front of Elvis.

Mr. Yankee and I got engaged in December of 2008. We started to browse for venues in January 2009. We found and booked our venue in March of 2009. Two months of searching- no big deal, right?! Wrong! The truth of it is, the venue we picked was the second to last venue we had to look at before booking a trip to Vegas. Mr. Y and I searched from the north end of Santa Rosa to southern most point of the south bay in Gilroy and had come up with a fat zero in terms of venue. These places drove me crazy! They were either too out of the way, too expensive or had too many cookie cutter requirements that would take away from our individual tastes. We got information from over 15 venues- but I will condense our search for you into the top contenders.

Stonetree Golf Club

I fell in love with this place the minute we pulled into the parking lot. It was our third location of the day, but I knew in my heart that this would be our wedding location. It was perfect in every way. Outside patio with hillside views of the sun setting as we say our vows? Check. Banquet hall with stunning views and lots of space? You betcha! A price that was reasonable and within our budget? Uh, hold the phone.

Mr. Yankee and I both absolutely loved this place. We sat in in the foyer and looked at pictures after pictures of events past. But as much as we absolutely loved the golf club, there was no way we could ever afford it on our budget. But not for lack of trying; we sat and thought of everything else we could possibly cut so that we could have our wedding there, but in the end it just wasn't doable.

Oakmont Golf Club

Oakmont was another absolute beauty. It was nestled far into the Santa Rosa hillsides and would make just an absolute gorgeous backdrop. However, Mr. Y and I got lost on our way to look at the venue and figured that if we got lost it would be easy for others to get lost as well. Not to mention that it was a little farther than we were hoping to make guests travel. So it was on to the next locale.

Wedgewood Banquet Center(s)

I really tried to like this place. Really, I did. I had heard from so many friends that Wedgewood was really reasonable when it came to budget and that their service was very good. I even dragged Mr. Yankee to San Ramon to look at another one of their locations. But I just could not get jazzed about this place. Yes, it is an unbelieveable deal, but you are also giving up a lot in the process. To me (and I mean no disrespect to anyone who is thinking of, or has had their wedding here) it was too cookie cutter. They had only certain floral designs, certain cake designs, decor limitations and do not provide a tasting! So the bride and groom are just supposed to pick some random dish and hope it turns out okay?! I don't think so.

These are only a few of the many, many, many locations we scouted for our wedding. And I was getting really upset about not finding a venue and did more than a few inquiries into Las Vegas weddings. However, herecomestheguide saved me and presented me with this great little gem of a location that was right under my nose. And in my next post, I will tell you all about it.

But for the fellow brides out there, how did your venue search go?

**all photos courtesy of herecomestheguide.com**

I dream of... celebrity weddings edition

Celebrity weddings.. How beautiful, romantic and trend setting can you get? They are gorgeous affairs. Renting out 400 year old Italian castles? No sweat. Flying in David Tutera to plan a Phantom of the Opera meets Peter Pan themed bash? Done. Paying for 200 of your closest friends to fly in from all over the world to watch you get married? Easy.

Hollywood weddings are absolutely over the top and incredibly beautiful. The stars can pay for the best in the industry and they make sure their every wish is granted and every desire fulfilled. And why not? It's not as if they are on any kind of budget like us real brides. So here is a few of my favorite celebrity weddings and what I would take from them for my wedding.

Fergie and Josh Duhamel

(appeared originally in US Weekly Magazine, January 2009)

I mean first of all- look at them. They are so ridiculously cute. I am not a huge fan of Fergie, but she looks like such a bride here I can't help myself. And while they had a very large, hollywood enamored wedding, it was still a mystical, enchanting evening. The romantic choice in color (whites, purples and blacks) with little bits of their personality thrown in (the castle cake? I mean come on!) speaks to me whenever I look at the pictures from their wedding. Their estimated cost? One million dollars! And what, you ask, might I steal from their wedding? Fergie's dress. I love my dress, I really do. But that long train that expands for miles? Priceless.

Roselyn Sanchez & Eric Winter

courtesy of instylemagazine.com

I am not even going to show you a picture of the bride because she is just too gorgeous and puts us real brides to shame. As a history major I fell in love with this photo; it's rustic, historic with a flair of dramatic that only old world architecture can do. Her location?? Oh just an old fort in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Guest list? A measely 250 people. And if you haven't guessed it- I would steal her venue. Yup. I could totally be married in Puerto Rico, no?

Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro

source: http://www.celebritybrideguide.com/photos/electra-navarro-278x400.jpg

I realize that they are no longer together (but in Hollywood, how surprising is that?), but the one thing that stood out to me- and I think anyone else who watched their series on Mtv- is how unafraid they were to make their wedding about them. I sometimes feel like celebrities cake on glitz and glam because they can. But with Carmen and Dave's wedding it had a certain feel- a warmth that a lot of Hollywood weddings are missing. And Eden theme? Pulling in parts of a kubrick film? All really interesting, fearless and beautiful moments. So what would I steal from their wedding? It wouldn't be any one thing- I want their fearlessness. I think so many brides get caught up in what would look okay, and who would say what that we forget to have fun and bring our personality into the wedding.

How about the brides out there? What celebrity weddings inspired you?

Oh, photography! How I love thee..

courtesy of theknot.com

Wedding planning is all about compromising and our wedding planning has been no different. I’ve compromised on venue, guest count and budget. The only thing I was not willing to compromise on was our wedding photographer. I allotted for a larger budget for wedding photography because I knew that I wanted the memories. And not just the memories taken from Aunt Sue’s digital camera (that she still hasn’t completely figured out how to use); but the “ohmygosh that was so cute” memories. After the food has been ingested, the cake served and the dances danced, pictures are what will remain to remind us of our first day as a married couple and I wanted to make sure they looked flawless.

So I started my search on photography early. It was actually the second vendor we booked. You would not believe how many talented photographers we have in our great metropolis of Northern California! And I made sure I took in as many different sites and photographers names as I could. I posted facebook status messages looking for recommendations, I asked people at work- everything I could think of to make sure that when I sat down with a photographer that I was prepared to tell him or her what I wanted and did not want. I did not want to rely solely on what the knot suggested I ask a potential photographer.

I know there are adjectives that go with photography (photojournalistic for example), but I will not be bogged down to mere words. Because photography isn’t about words; it’s about capturing the little moments. I wanted to relive my wedding when I looked at my photos. I wanted every photo to tell a story; to have a history. I did not know what style of photography I liked. I just knew there were some photographers whose work made me want to cry and those that were beautiful, but weren’t me.

And so I bookmarked the photographers’ sites that made me tear up and started going through what seemed like the longest lasting task of finding “the one” that I cared about most. Not the dress, but photographer.

What was your one sticking point while wedding planning? Are you a compromising bride? Or a fight for what you want planner?

Inspiration Boards... Photography Edition

So as much as I would absolutely love to be photoshop, flash or even power point savy- it just wasn't in my wedding planning cards. After clicking through all of these blogs for inspiration and noticing that the thing to do was to create "boards" I got both extremely excited and a teeny bit sad. There are two reasons for this:

1. You mean people know how to put pictures together, in a cohesive manner that doesn't look all sorts of 2nd grader collage-like? Pressure!

2. I have to actually decide what my "vision" is for the wedding? Isn't the "theme" of the wedding our love?

And number 2 is where I really started to hyperventalate and get nervous. I mentioned in earlier posts that I am not the bride to end all brides. So not only was I responsible for planning this picturesque wedding, but now I had to come up with a theme? Color palette? And put it in an INSPIRATION BOARD?!?!

help?

I took a step back and decided I would break down all of these little wedding quirks and make them work for me. I have no set vision of our wedding. I'm kind of going with the flow and letting the wedding evolve on its own. But I knew there were certain things that were very important to me and I knew I could probably gather a "so-so" inspiration board to get my point across. And that is where Wedding Wire came in. I tried using the sites that specialize in inspiration boards only, but I found them to be too confusing and frustrating. But Wedding Wire was a one stop shop. I could create my inspiration board and save it right there! Score! I will speak more to Wedding Wires glorious ways in future posts, but first I give you my inspiration board: photography edition!



All photos courtesy of Wedding Wire