Sunday, June 20, 2010

The Family Factor...

I have been thinking a lot about family recently. I am not normally a sentimental person, but I think the wedding has brought it out in me. Mr. Yankee just got back from doing the Mud Run in Camp Pendleton where he stayed with his Aunt and Uncle. And as he was telling me different antecdotes about his visit I felt this surge in my chest. These are great people who are apart of a wonderful family- they have a strong bond with each other and it shows whenever stories are shared.

I've posted about my not so wonderful relationship with my father before- and I had pretty much made up my mind months ago that he would not be a part of this very special moment in my life. There were numerous factors influencing my decision: I knew that if he was there I would be worried about what he was doing rather than focusing on what really matters- Mr. Yankee and I coming together as one unit. I would also worry about what he would do or say- alcoholics are famous for saying inappropriate things at all the right times. And a lot of my friends (pretty much all of them except for 1 or 2) have never met my father and I just didn't think a wedding was an appropriate venue.

I also worry about FMIL & FFIL Yankee- they are such sweet and genuine people and I would be so embarassed if my father did something stupid. I am the typical adult child of an alcoholic and feel responsible for my father's actions and feel like his actions somehow would be a reflection of me and who I am.

.. But my main reason for being so torn on this issue with my father is because my father has other children. Other children whom I love very much and who I want there on that day. I may not see them very often or get to talk to them every day, but they are my family- and being that I don't have a very big one, I would like to everyone there. At what cost, though, is the question. Do I risk being embarassed, stressed and worried about what my father would do?!

Mr. Yankee is wonderful in the sense that he supports me no matter what. He realizes that this is a very sticky situation for me and I am so grateful that he doesn't push one way or the other. He is always a great sounding board and gives advice only when solicited- one of the many thngs I love about him.

There is still some time and I am sure this will be a topic that weighs heavily on my mind no matter what decision I make. Any advice out there?!

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